Quick Summary:
- You both have a role in this pregnancy decision. Share responsibility and empathy towards each other.
- Identifying core values and possible realities for each decision together can help clarify the decision.
- He might want to support you and be part of this decision; he just isn’t sure about his role in this. Invite him into the conversation.
- Confirm your pregnancy, find out how far along you are, and explore your options together.
- No matter the decision you choose, support each other through it and after it.
Learning how to handle an unexpected pregnancy can be overwhelming. Navigating how to talk to your partner about what you’re thinking, feeling, and what comes next can feel even more daunting. But it doesn’t have to be.
You both had a part to play in this pregnancy, so you both should strive to make a decision together. But what does that actually look like? Let’s walk through some practical steps you can take together.
How to Talk to Your Partner About a Pregnancy Decision and Make it Together.
First, acknowledge your roles in the pregnancy decision.
Both of your voices matter in this decision, because this impacts both of you.
While the woman might be the one carrying the pregnancy, the man still has an important role to play. Shared responsibility sets the tone for everything that follows.
If you are pregnant, you may be carrying a lot of the physical and emotional weight right now. If you trust your partner, it’s okay to lean on them for support. It’s also okay to acknowledge that your partner is likely experiencing many of the same emotions you are, even if they look a bit different.
If your partner is pregnant, this is your moment to step up with empathy and presence. Avoid minimizing, pressuring, or withdrawing. This is your moment to step into responsibility and become the person you want to be.
Healthy acknowledgment of each of your roles can sound like:
- “What do you think?”
- “This affects both of us.”
- “We can handle this together.”
Even if you don’t have a healthy relationship or aren’t sure you want to stay with your partner, this situation still requires careful thought and responsibility. And you’re not without options. Supporting the child without being closely connected to your partner or learning to co-parent is an option. LifeSpring can help you determine what this might look like for both of you.
Starting here creates a foundation of shared responsibility, not blame or control, but being on the same team.
Have Open, Honest Conversations.
Be honest with your partner about what you’re scared of and what makes you excited, even if that excitement comes and goes. Clearly communicate what you are leaning towards in this pregnancy decision.
Try to adopt an active listening technique. Repeat back what your partner says to you. This shows them that you’re not only listening but care enough to try and understand.
Healthy communication and trust are key to ensuring both voices are heard and that a confident decision is made together.
If you haven’t told your partner you’re pregnant yet, you might find it helpful to read our article “How to Tell My Partner I’m Pregnant” to navigate that conversation.
Acknowledge that you both may feel differently.
Even when communicating well, you may not initially see things the same way. That’s okay.
Open, honest conversations are meant to help you understand where your partner is coming from. They may even help you see the situation from a different perspective. Respecting differences while staying connected strengthens your relationship during uncertain moments.
The goal is understanding over quick reactions, and partnership over isolation.
If you are pregnant and he wants you to get an abortion but you’re unsure, you’re not alone. Take a moment to read our article about what to do in this situation here: “My Boyfriend Wants Me to Get an Abortion.”
Confirm pregnancy viability and explore your options.
One important thing when discussing a pregnancy decision is to factor in accurate information about your pregnancy.
Confirming the viability of the pregnancy and understanding all of your options (financial, medical, emotional, etc.) can help make your decision clear.
LifeSpring offers free pregnancy testing and ultrasounds to confirm the pregnancy is progressing properly and to rule out a miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy. Going to this appointment together can help you both feel unified and informed in your decision-making. Receiving medical insight from someone who cares about your situation can also bring peace of mind as you move forward.
Identify your core values and discuss practical realities.
Talk about what you both value most. This might include family, career goals, freedom, stability, or health. These core values often guide major life decisions.
Understanding what matters most to each of you can help you consider how this pregnancy fits into your values. It may also require shifting what you thought your life would look like, sometimes into something unexpectedly beautiful.
You’ll also want to discuss practical realities together like:
- Finances
- Living situation
- Work and education
- Support systems
- Future plans
An unexpected pregnancy may shift the picture you had for your life, but growth often happens in seasons of change. These conversations can help you step into becoming the people you want to be.
Bring someone you trust into the conversation.
If the conversation feels stuck or unproductive, it might be helpful to bring in someone you trust.
People outside of your situation can see things in a different light and are able to give advice without the emotional weight you may be carrying.
Our client advocates and male mentors at LifeSpring are ready to listen, offer understanding, and connect you to resources and programs. Their goal is not only to help you make a decision together, but to help you both thrive in your relationship and home.
Make the choice and support each other after the decision.
Whatever you choose, stay emotionally connected and check in often.
Once a decision is made, the journey isn’t over. Continue offering reassurance, empathy, and support. Walking through this together, before, during, and after the decision, strengthens trust and unity in your relationship.
Need relational and pregnancy decision support?
LifeSpring in Charlottesville and Culpeper, Virginia, offers free services for couples navigating an unexpected pregnancy. We offer pregnancy testing, ultrasounds, pregnancy options consultations, after-abortion support, and men’s mentorship programs.
We know pregnancy can feel isolating and next steps can be confusing. You don’t have to do this alone.