Finding out you are pregnant can ignite many strong, and sometimes conflicting, emotions in both you and your partner.
If you are unexpectedly pregnant, you might feel pressured by your partner to choose abortion.
But often, most women are not sure what they want. The shock of a positive pregnancy test takes time to process. Maybe you’re sure of what you want, or maybe you’re not sure at all.
Maybe you have always wanted to be a mom, but it’s the wrong guy and timing. Or maybe you have never seen yourself as a mom. Deciding to keep a pregnancy or choosing to abort both have different consequences. Regardless, your body and your life will be most affected by which decision you make.
My boyfriend wants me to get an abortion, but I’m not sure that’s what I want. What do I do?
Ask yourself: What do I want? What am I feeling?
So you know how your boyfriend feels about the pregnancy, but how do you feel?
Ask yourself, “Do I want an abortion? Is this the best decision for me and my body? Will I regret this decision later?”
It’s easy for emotions to become overwhelming. It’s especially easy to make quick decisions based on your current emotions.
Sometimes writing out your thoughts and emotions can help you clear your mind and identify what you’re really feeling. Deciding what you want before letting others’ opinions and feelings sway yours is helpful.
You can feel confident in what is best for you when you understand how you are feeling.
Our counselors at Lifespring help you understand the 10-10-10 rule in decision-making, especially in regards to pregnancy decisions. This rule helps you put things into perspective and determine how you might feel about each option you’re considering 10 days, 10 months, and 10 years after you make the decision. [1] Learn more about how the 10-10-10 rule can help you in your pregnancy decision here.
Contact Lifespring to schedule an appointment to help you sort out your feelings about the pregnancy.
Talk to him and listen to his concerns too
Your boyfriend wants you to get an abortion, but do you know why? Sit down with him and discuss why he thinks this is the best option. Does he feel like he’s not ready to be a father? Does he feel like his freedom is being taken away? Does he think finances are a problem?
Maybe he told you, “I support whatever decision you choose,” but you know deep down he really hopes you will choose the option he thinks is best. Maybe he is afraid to be a parent, especially if he has not had a father figure in his life. At Lifespring, we have a fatherhood program called Strong Dads that mentors fathers. Whatever his reasons, your reasons matter too.
Tell him how you feel about it. Tell him your concerns, your fears, and why you might not agree with what he wants. If he is a good partner, he will listen carefully and respond with respect and understanding.
How you fight and resolve conflict during this decision may be an indicator of whether your relationship is healthy or not. Chances are an abortion will not solve your relationship problems but only magnify them.
What if you can’t agree on a decision and every conversation turns into a fight? What if he doesn’t want anything to do with you and the pregnancy? Getting help from trusted friends and family who know what you value can help you see the big picture.
You may be at a place where you are deciding if you are okay with being a single mother. This is a big decision and one that takes the support of a village. It is important to seek the counsel of those who have walked similar paths and who understand how to support you.
Find your village
It’s normal to want support throughout your pregnancy and while raising a child. If your boyfriend won’t agree on a decision and you still want to continue your pregnancy, then it’s time to find support from others.
Your support group can consist of your family, friends, and local organizations. There are countless organizations ready to help you with pregnancy options, finances, housing, support, and more.
Sometimes the most obvious villages end up being the least helpful. And sometimes the most unlikely people become the most significant support for you. Regardless of your decision, we are here to support you.
At LifeSpring, we offer free appointments to talk through pregnancy options and connect you with helpful resources.
Schedule an appointment to talk with our medical professionals today.
Remember, at the end of the day, the decision is yours to make no matter what anyone tells you.
Sources:
[1] Welch, S. (2009). The 10-10-10 Principle: How to Make Decisions with the Future in Mind. Scribner.